Phrases He'd Be Pysched to Hear

Advice/ material to invoke gag reflex for your bulimia, from Cosmo. And the subtext, from me.

"Tonight, dinner is on me... and all the booze, too."

He'll only like me if he's drunk, and somewhat appreciative.

"I bought some new DVDs to add to your porn collection."

Please, let me validate and encourage your objectification of women, and by extension, me.

"I promise, you don't ever have to hang out with my friends again."

WTF? Why would you ever say this?

"It's really unattractive when men are too muscular."

You're not muscular, and I'm being really awkward now.

"Don't talk. Just take off your clothes and come over here."

We have nothing to talk about.

Oh, please, Death of Print. Oh, be merciful and take Cosmo with you!